Misery Hutt
by The EB's
Summary: A Twisted tale of obsession.When a womans life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, what happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality... for everyone!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 1**

It was beautiful winter day down at the cabin on the edge of the mountain; surrounded by a thick layer of snow and with more due to fall later that evening Bug thought it was the perfect chance to take his beautiful wife out sledging.

"Honey, are you up? It's time to go!" Bug hollered upstairs. His wife wasn't lazy just a little slow and a little large. He used to joke before they got married that one day she would turn into Jabba the Hutt with all the pizza's she would wolf down. It became his pet name for her.

He grabbed his khaki jacket and rubber boots and started to climb the stairs and was stopped but the sound of footsteps. At the top of the stairs stood his beloved Hutt. For a large lady she carried off khaki polka dots pants and a sleeveless button down well.

"I'm here and ready to roll my sweet little Bug. Let's go sledging!"

"Please put on a sweater Hutty Butty, I don't want you catching a chill." Bug replied checking out his wife's bulging fun bags.

Hutt made her way downstairs grabbing a sweater and coat from the stand by the door, slithered into her red rubber boots and made her way outside.

Bug quickly followed suit.

They had been married for so long now, almost 10 years and they had been blissful. They lived in a little cabin by themselves with a few cats whom they loved and cherished like they were their children.

But all this happiness was not to last, as they made their way to the top of the steep slope they began their sledging fun.

"Push me down hard this time Hutty Butty! I wanna go real fast this time...."

**FIVE YEARS LATER.**

It was another cold night at the Hutt's home down on the edge of the mountain surrounded by a thick layer of snow. There was supposed to be a wicked storm by this time the next day but the Hutt had been through these snow storms before.

Nothing moved the Hutt anymore. You see, the Hutt was once in love with a handsome man named Bug. But one day Bug died during a horrible accident. The two of them were taking their sled down their favorite slope by the Hutt's home but tragically their sled flipped ramming him head-first into a tree. The Hutt never cleaned the blood from that tree. She would always have that stain to remember him by and would never wash it off for any reason.

The Hutt was absolutely heartbroken when this happened and needed something new in her life. Her cats were never any comfort anymore. She barely even noticed their deaths until she caught herself wearing their dead bodies on her feet instead of her slippers.

"I need something new.." said the Hutt every day.

Finally she went down to the local market in the nearby town and found a second hand copy of Meyer's Twilight. Before the Hutt knew it the Twilight world had consumed her. It was all she cared about, perhaps a replacement for her beloved Bug.

Time went on and the Hutt lost interest in everything else. All she cared about was proving rumors on a website named the Internet Movie Database and her favorite snack: chocolate covered ants.

You see, the combination of unproved Twilight rumors and chocolate covered ants combined caused the Hutt's skin to turn itself inside out. When the Hut finally pulled herself away from her favorite online fanfic one evening she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and to her absolute horror she had become what appeared to look exactly like the creature known as Pizza/Jabba the Hutt.

Since that fateful day in her lonely old home the Hutt has never found the courage to slosh her way down the steps of her home and into town. No one could see her this way.

The storm was starting to sneak up on her now. So much more early than she expected.  
"I should make a run to get some toilet paper.." Her year supply from costco had run out weeks ago and she had been using her dead cats this entire time but winter was now coming harder than ever and she would not get another chance.

But what the Hutt didn't not know was what she would find on her way to costco. A surprise that would affect her life forever..


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 2**

The hut slithered out to her volkswagon rabbit. She couldn't fit in it anymore so rolled down the window and let her fat hang out. She slowly drove to the Costco hoping that because it was so late in the evening not many people would be there.

The hut made her way into the store leaving a slime trail behind her. She first made her way to the snack aisle. Just as she went to grab a jumbo bag of salt and vinegar chips a hand shot out and grabbed them.

"Excuse me!" the hut shrieked. Her hair of snakes hissed at the person like they were dinner.

"Sorry" the small little person hunched their shoulders and began to cry.

"Ah now don't do that. Crying is for losers" The hut said in her condescending way. "Listen there are other bags it's okay. I'm the Hutt" she stuck out her stubby hand, the small person stopped crying and shook the huts hand.

"I'm Lamerat"  
"Lamerat!" the Hutt was excited "From the Internet Movie Database?"

"Yes" Lamerat stuttered

"I am allhailthehut"

They were friends on the boards and supported each other. The Hutt was very happy. Lamerat was one of her minions. She could so easily control her on the boards she wondered if she could in real life too.

"Come stay with me in my hut" The Hutt said.

"I agree!" replied Lamerat. She always agreed.

The two of them set off, hand in hand with their toilet paper and made their way to Hutt's Hut.

"I can't believe you live in a hut!! That's so awesome!!You're Awesome!!" Said 'Rat.

"I know" replied the Hutt "People tell me that all the time"

"Your hut is amazing"

"Let me show you around...see here's some lists I've compiled, I try to only leave the house once a year, but sometimes I need toilet paper and cat supplies. Today's trip to Costco has set me back a list".

"That's awesome!" said Rat, eyes fixated on The Hutt's face.

"Yes it is, I'm not God, but I'm the next best thing. Now why don't you go compile some lists while I read this new Stephenie Meyer book I've just purchased?"

With that, Lamerat curled into a corner and made a list of how many books she'd read more than 50 times.

The next day, the Hutt was a new person. She'd polished off _Twilight _in less than 24 hours and was excited, inspired, and desperately aching to read the sequel. "I have to go to Costco" she told Lamerat.

"Twice in one year?"

"Yes." and with that she hurried out the door. When she arrived at Costco she bought copies of _New Moon_ & _Eclipse_ and met a funny little hunchback at the checkout. The hunchback seemed angry and was covered from head to toe in Khaki, as she felt khaki was the pinnacle of haute couture.

"You're beautiful" said the hunchback to the Hutt "Can I follow you around?"

"Sure! I'm The Hutt" said the Hutt, pleased that she was developing a nice following

"My name is Punkwit" replied the hunchback.

The Hutt noticed Punkwit was also carrying a copy of _Eclipse.  
_

"If you tell anyone you read _New Moon_ before me, you're dead" warned The Hutt

"Yes Master, I adore you, anything you say!"

"Let's get home and you can read some of my lists" said The Hutt

And the two of them returned to Hutt's Hut and met up with Lamerat.  
Lamerat had spent the day reading _Twilight._

_  
_"This is awesome!" said Lamerat to the Hutt "You're awesome for reading it before me!"  
The three of them spent the next 2 days finishing off their Stephenie Meyer books and compiling lists.

On the third day, the Hutt ventured to Costco to purchase Breaking Dawn...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 3**

After returning from another late night trip to Costco the Hutt and her minions gathered around with their new copies of Breaking Dawn. The Hutt made it clear that she was to always be one chapter ahead of the others as she was always the first at everything and therefore the most awesome.

Lamemouse agreed as she made the point many times that English was her second language and only the godlike creature that was the Hutt could help her through the book. Punkwit agreed as she was secretly dazzled by the Hutt. Her obesely, womanly yet worm like figure, the venomous snakes that framed her face and the slime that excreted from her pours when she made any attempt at a physical activity.

As they began to read on all was calm. The fade to black scene had the Hutt a bit upset but she could compensate for that with her internet subscription to the XXX site "Wolfboys and their big toys" . It was a secret she masked with disgust for the wolf pack but really the thought of Sam Uley made her hotter then when she walked up the 5 stairs to the entrance of her home. As she continued the shock of Jacobs book sent her into a head spin. To keep up with appearances she cursed and carried on the whole way through while repressing the squealing fan girl inside. That would have to wait for the shrine she kept in her closet dedicated to the wolfpack boys.

The elation of the last 200 pages wore off suddenly with just one word. Renesmee. The scream that escaped her throat was enough to cause a small earthquake, then again so was her monthly trip to the letterbox. Her rage was an outlet for the secret love she had for Jacob and the not so secret love she had for Edward. If Rob Edward was to spawn, or Jacob to imprint, it would be with her and her only. The boundaries of the fictional world held no bearing in her mind which was severely morphed from years of fanfiction and list abuse.

As she stared down at her two minions, passed out from the assault their eardrums had just experienced, she wondered what other horrors awaited her as she was barely halfway through the nightmare that was Breaking Dawn.

As The Hutt continued reading Breaking Dawn, the continuation of Jacob POV's aroused her secretive love affair for Jacob to a new height. She found herself replacing her cat slippers for Jacob slippers, and replaced her cat robe with 'I-love-Jacob-more-than-you-but-shut-up-coz-it's-a-secret' robe, of which she had been creating surreptitiously in her bedroom.

Lamerat and Punkwit began to notice the extra lists of fan fiction she composed and gave each other confused glances as The Hutt would appear in her Team Jacob outfit. They questioned whether this was a phase the Hutt went through and decided to join her to prove their loyalty and jealousy they felt towards the Hutt's perfect complexion.

One cold morning as the Hutt emerged in her 'I-love-Jacob-more-than-you-but-shut-up-coz-it's-a-secret' robe, Lamerat and Punkwit immediately emerged behind her calling The Hutt's name. The Hutt turned around and was horrified and what she saw.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO WEARING?!?!?!", she screamed making her Hutt quiver in fear of her voice.

Her two minions looked at each other and then at The Hutt in confusion. "We stayed up all night to make EXCACT replicas of your team Jacob outfits. We didn't know you loved him as much as we do?" Lamerat answered.

"And we've also subscribed to 'Wolf boys and their Toys' too!" Punkwit interjected with delight.

Deep down within The Hutt, her rage was over flowing. Her eyes began to bulge out and her snake hair all hid for cover as they were expecting of what was to occur.

"TAKE. THAT. OFF. NOW!!!!!!!!!!" The Hutt screamed which caused a vibration of ripples through her rolls of fat, causing a pattern of tidal waves to occur on her body.

Immediately, Lamerat and Punkwit stripped themselves down with anything labelled 'Jacob' and bowed whilst apologizing to The Hutt. "We are so sorry Mistress, we didn't mean to disobey you!"

The Hutt was still enraged with anger that she commanded them to compile lists of fan fiction until they were ALL in alphabetical order. As her minions hurried back to their rooms, The Hutt gave a final, stern warning, "And if ANY of you utter a single mention to my secret love affair of Jacob, I will personally ensure both your lives on IMDB WILL BE MADE HELL! AND JACOB, JACOB IS ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHA". Her evil, crazed laughed had terrified her minions and they ran crying into their rooms.

5 Hours had passed and Lamerat and Punkwit were still alphabetizing the list of fan fiction. They could hear The Hutt reading Breaking Dawn and the constant profanities she would yell after the turn of each page.

Suddenly, Lamerat and Punkwit could only hear silence. At first they had thought The Hutt ventured into Costco again for necessities but as they listened carefully, they heard something that made them both gasp. All they could hear was The Hutt sharpening some sought of metal tool whilst murmuring to herself;

"OH Stephenie Meyer… You are all MINE!!!!"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 4**

"MINIONS!!!!" The Hutt screeched out.

Lamerat and Punkwit trembled in their slippers, but like the good little minions they were, they answered obediently.

The Hutt informed them that they were going on a mission, but first they needed to stop by Costco for some supplies.

With her two faithful minions in tow, The Hutt began to stock up. The minions could not figure out what the supplies were for….

They bought mass amounts of duct tape, garbage bags, zip strips, a bulk rounder of chain, several bolt cutters, a dozen locks, three ski masks, a chain saw, an array of new cutlery, a CB radio, a leather whip, walkie talkies, Vaseline, whipped cream, and a bushel of apples.

For some reason that the minions could not comprehend, The Hutt was furious that Costco did not sell type-writers.

"Fine!" The Hutt shouted at the employee, "I'll just have to get it on Ebay!"

Once the car was loaded up with all of the supplies, The Hutt knew it was time to clue her faithful minions in on Phase 2 of the operation. She handed them print-outs from her second favorite website, (this was second only, of course to the Internet Movie Database website).

"According to this trusted source, Stephenie Meyer is meeting with Edward...err...I mean Rob, tomorrow...to discuss Edward's character. These pictures show some partial signs, and I've enlarged and cleaned up the image, and I have determined which hotel Rob is staying at!!"

"Oh wow, Hutt!!! Are we going to go visit them??" Punkwit asked anxiously.

Lamerat enthusiastically clapped her support.

"No you fools! We are going to capture them and bring them back to the hut!" The Hutt shouted.

"Wait, now when you say 'bring them back to the hut', do you mean that we are bringing them to YOU, or to your hut?" Lamerat asked confused.

"What?" The Hutt asked.

"Well, do you mean 'hut' the place or 'Hutt' the person?" Lamerat explained.

The Hutt considered this.

"Does it matter?" Hutt questioned.

"Of course not..." Lamerat replied.

"Then shut up and do as you're told! This is my idea, so it therefore is awesome by its very nature. Just comply, already, damnit." Hutt was beginning to wonder if these minions were worth the frustration.

So without any more questions, the three headed off, armed with a carload of supplies and one of The Hutt's trusty lists in hand.

The objective was clear: capture Stephenie Meyer and Robert Pattinson, and take them back to The Hutt's hut.

While in the car, The Hutt couldn't help but start bragging to Lamerat and Punkwit about the sheer brilliance of her plan.

She explained to them how once Stephenie was at the hut, she could re-write Breaking Dawn with input from The Hut. This would allow The Hutt to finally enter into the world in which she longed to belong, the world of Twilight.

After excitedly agreeing that is was a truly awesome plan, the minions questioned how Rob fit into that plan. With one of her signature slothy stares, The Hutt silenced them.

They drove all night, and finally they reached the hotel. The Hutt pulled out elaborate maps of the surrounding area a blueprint of the hotel. She handed out the walkie talkies to her dutiful minions, along with a list of codes they would use to communicate. She explained to them that their secret rendezvous point was the garden behind the hotel.

Step by step, The Hutt told Lamerat and Punkwit exactly what they were to do, and of course, they complied.

Finally, The Hutt pulled two bottles of chloroform out of the glove compartment.

"Where did you get that?" Punkwit asked.

"I just like to keep it on hand. You never know when it could come in handy." The Hutt replied.

She then slithered off into position, as her two followers lurched off to complete their role in the abduction. An hour later, Stephenie and Rob were stuffed in the back of the Volkswagen. Lamerat and Punkwit split the driving, while The Hutt slept in the backseat, slumped over on top of Rob. They were eager to get back to the hut, so they drove all night.

Her body mushed against Rob's, The Hutt had the most wonderful dreams that night. She hoped that it would not be long before he would say to her the words from her dreams:

"…And so the lion fell in love with The Hutt."

By morning, they had reached the hut, ready to enact Phase 3….

As they pulled into the drive, The Hutt began to sliver off of Rob, who had since been smothered unconscious. Lamerat and Punkwit went to the trunk to remove Stephenie Meyer; she seemed alive... which was handy since she had some writing to do. They pulled her out, making sure the black bag over head was fitted securely and took her into the hut.

"I will get my little love muffin... ahem... I mean Edward...ugh... I mean Rob..." The Hutt grunted. She pulled him up out of the back seat all smiles and slavers, stroking his face she imagined how she would comb his eyebrows later, they reminded her of caterpillars her second favourite chocolate covered treat. She threw Rob over her shoulders and could feel his hair tickling her butt, it made her juices flow.

They gathered in the sitting room, faint squeals were coming from under the hood that was slouched in the corner.

The Hutt approached "I'm not ready for you yet Meyer shut your shitter!" Tearing off her hood, she picked up an apple and drove it as far as she could into Meyer's mouth then applied a fresh amount of duck tape over it to shut her the hell up.

"Minion One! Take the writer..." the Hutt snorted "to the basement and make sure she is secured with the rope and chains"

"Eh...eh... M...My name is Lamerat, Hutt...I eh..."

The Hutt interrupted appalled and angered that someone dare correct her "DO I ADDRESS ANYONE BY NAME MINION??? DO I? NO I DO NOT, WHY YOU THINK YOU ARE SPECIAL IS BEYOND ME" Lamerat scurried away with punkwit, dragging Meyer down to the basement.

The Hutt, made her way over the couch, shooing cats and throwing the dead ones to the other side of the room to make space for her next to Rob.

Rob began to stir; he pushed his eyelids back to take in his whereabouts. "Hello Robert" The Hutt flutter her eyelashes and flashed a smile. Saliva dripped from her lips. Rob squinted his eyes and disgruntled his features as he took in the Hutt's disgusting smile. "Is there something wrong Robert, may I get you some tea hmmmmm?"

The Hutt moved closer probing him in the leg with her unsightly drooping fun bags, her hands reaching up to those eyebrows... her face getting closer to his.

"WTF?!?!?! Is that uhm...? "Rob squinted his eyes "...is that actually an ant stuck in your teeth?.. It's wriggling about... OMG... I think I'm going to vomit on myself" Rob began to panic; surely this must be a surreal nightmare.

The Hutt not wanting Rob to vomit on her newly made dead cat fur patchwork throw, that would be an oogie mess, so she placed a large bucket under Robs head.

Ten minutes later Rob stopped vomiting. "Who are you... what am I doing here... WHAT are YOU?"

"You listen to me, , you do not question me I AM THE HUTT, you will do as I say any disobedience will NOT be tolerated or you will be punished! I can towel whip you right in the eye with a flick of a list... should I have to... DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

The Hutt was shaking, how dare her hairy cream puff cake of love question who she was, did he not go on IMDB? Are there people in the world not aware of the Hutt's existence?

Rob nodded shakily; petrified. The Hutt grabbed the bucket of sick, and tied Rob up calling on Minion one and two to take him down to the basement.

The Hutt entered the kitchen with the bucket of sick, pouring it into giant container; she then placed Robs vomit in the fridge.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 5**

Slinking back over to Rob, Hutt swaggered her slimey green hips, trying to get him in the 'mood.' Trying to work all her charms, like the way her wrinkled skin shone with her ooze, or how her tounge flick, while licking her lips the tiniest bit, to show she was willing. And who wouldn't go for all she offered? Her lists, and her cats, dead and alive, all of which were name after Rob himself. Who could resist Spunk, Rob, Pattzi and Cedric, who's a wizard.

_He wants me_, Hutt thought while smoothing her oily hair down.

Swiping her laptop and a couple lists, she snuggled into Robs side. His hair deflated from her stink, vomit dribbled down his chin.

"Read this, and memorize it. It's my list of how our time will be spent together." Hutt thrust a list towards Roberts shaking hands. His eyes scanned the page, and more vomit began to dribble.

"Don't puke on my new Cat throw! Do you want to be towel wipped?! Didn't think so..."  
Hutt proceeded to type merrily on her computer, while Rob attempted to keep his vomit down. And then Hutt spun the screen around and shoved it into Roberts face.

"This," she pointed, "is what you and I will be doing, in, oh...ten minutes." She smiled and lifted her eyebrow suggestively, her nostrils flaired, and she nipped at him like a tigeress.

Spitty green flecks coated Roberts face, and he seemed to unfocus.

_He's so mysterious sometimes, You never know what he's thinking about, or what he's laughing over. Could it be Veggie Burgers? Peacoats? I don't know, he's evasive. _Hutt speculated.

"I'm going to get...ready. Possibly slip into something more," she dragged her sausage fingers down his cheek, leaving behind a trial of slime, that burned Rob's skin. "...comfortable."  
She slunk away, yelling as she went, "Know line for line, if you mess up, I shall know. For I am the Hutt, and I know all. I created all, I am all."

Realizing a better use for the vomit she put away, Hutt rushed, or staggered, to the fridge to get it.

_New perfume, just what I needed,_ thought Hutt.

The Hutt slithered back into the room wearing the sheer pink teddy she had sewn together from 7 pairs of old curtains. It had a white fur trim which was taken by force donated by a few of her albino cats. The snakes that fell to her shoulders were tied back with a large pink ribbon much like the one that was holding her outfit in place at the bust. She shut the basement door to ensure she and Rob would not be interrupted. The lighting was turned down and the Boombox cranked up. 'Oo, Oo…yay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah' started pumping as she set her well-worn Britney tape to repeat.

"Have you learnt your lines lover?" She asked. She saw him vomit in his mouth once more as he swallowed it this time.

"Ye…yessss" he stammered.

"Good my darling, let the re-enactment of the Isle of Esme begin in all its explicit glory!"

Rob looked like he was going to pass out and in a panic she raised the fat flap she called an arm to deliver a crashing slap to his chiselled jaw. It proved effective as he sat upright now with his left cheek glowing a bright crimson.

"I slave away creating this outfit as well as this fanfic version of the Isle of Esme and you repay me for the honour by almost passing out? Not gonna happen buddy. Do you know how hard it is to make crotch less panties when you don't have a crotch?"

Rob began to dry heave as he realised his stomach was completely empty, bile and all. She extended her flaps and lifted him to his feet. She rubbed the side of his face that still had the residue of her slime trail on it as she began to soothe him.

"Shhhh my little fantasy doll, I know you may be intimidated by me but I am just a mere Hutt. I eat, I drink, I breathe, just like you. You don't have to worry about letting me down, just let me do all the work." She rubbed her hand flap over the dried vomit she wore as perfume then licked her sausage like finger suggestively. "We've already exchanged one type of body fluid lover, there is only one place to go from here."

Rob's eyes rolled back into his head as he collapsed in her arms. She shook him from side to side without success as he remained unconscious.

_I could use this to my advantage_ she thought as her hand flaps slid down to his hips. Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door and she heard Lamerat call her name. She placed Rob down on the bed of dead cats as she turned to open the basement door, fury burning in her eyes. Lamerat was quivering as she grovelled at the stump that was her feet.

"WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU WOULD RISK YOUR LIFE TO INTERUPT ME NOW?" she bellowed.

**A/N: The product of my afternoon at work which is why it's so short. Also because I'm starting to scare myself a little….**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 6**

The Hutt gave Lamerat the evil eye for interrupting her at such an intimate time.

"Well, What _is_ it?" The Hutt demanded.

"It's Ms. Meyer, Hutt...she's awake, and she won't stop crying." Lamerat replied.

The Hutt slithered over to the door and into the other room, anxious to finally have a few words with Stephenie Meyer.

"What do you want from me...you...you _beast_?!" Stephenie spat out.

"You listen here, little lady. You made The Hutt very angry with the direction you took your saga. And you won't like Hutt when she's angry." The Hutt said.

Stephenie fought back the tears and listened as The Hutt continued.

"I've brought you your very own type writer, and with my help, you will re-write the end of the series. I have some brilliant ideas! First we will write the lovely tale of a romantic getaway for Bella and Edward. We will call it, _Blue Moon Over Mankas_ " The Hutt said, with pride.

"What the fuck kind of name is that? No way, uh uh, that is bullshit. I'm not writing your shit ass story with your bitch ass title!" Stephenie shot back.

"You will do as I say, damnnit ! MINIONS!! Get in here and see that she starts writing. I want smut, and dirtiness and some blood play with Edward and Bella - NOW!" The Hutt screeched out. "Here are my notes, follow them exactly, I will be checking them later."

"Where are you going now, Master Hutt?" Punkwit asked.

An evil grin spread across The Hutt's sloth mouth.

"I need some alone time with Edward now." She whispered as she slithered back to his room.

Rob had just regained consciousness when he saw The Hutt back in the room. When his eyes met her blob-like form, he started crying.

"Please, please, just kill me. Please. I can't bear this any longer!"

"Settle down you cutey patootie, Hutt brought you a gift." The Hutt nudged a box towards Rob. The box was wrapped in the paper of old lists. He looked down in fear, or maybe dread. "I know you got a little bit of performance anxiety earlier about your lines, so I thought we'd warm ya up a little before we get into the dialogue."

"What is it? Please just tell me..." Rob pleaded, terrified of what was awaiting him in the box.

"OPEN IT!" The Hutt yelled.

Tears running down his cheeks, Rob complied.

He opened the box to find two small pieces of gold spandex. He didn't know what they were, but he knew it couldn't be good.

He held up the first piece, it looked like underwear. The second piece looked to be a top of some sort. Then the horrible realization sunk in-- It was a gold bikini. Panic-stricken, he looked at The Hutt who had pulled out chains and cuffs.

"Go ahead and get dressed, lovie. We're going to get acquainted now." The Hutt said as she slid in closer to Rob, leaving a slime trail as she moved.

Rob gulped.. hard. The Hutt had Indicated for him to get dressed behind the chair in the far corner, fearsticken he began to change holding back whimpering sobs. He emerged in the gold bikini, a truft of hair rising from the bikini bottoms up to his belly button. The Hutt stared.

"This will not do Edward... it just WILL NOT DO - STAY HERE AND DO NOT MOVE!" The Hutt slithered out of the room as fast she could without tearing through a wall. Rob clutched his body shivering, his knees knocked together. It wasnt long, a few minutes maybe before the Hutt returned, she had something in her large obsese hands.

"Oh my beautful cupcake of joy, do not fear, this is going to be wonderful. There are just a few minor details that are to be addressed." The Hutt eyed Rob's giant head of hair. "Its the wrong colour, but I have just the thing.. sit over there next to my pussies and I will fix this little inconsistency right now before we go any further"

Rob moved over to the sofa, and sat down slowly feeling well... pretty much shitting himself. The Hutt seated herself behind him grabbing his shoulders and massaging them with her stubby greasy fingers. Rob shuddered. Her hands moved up the back of his neck and into his hair.. pulling and pushing his head in all directions. Her hands left for a breif moment, reaching into what looked like a tub of tan boot polish and a can of mahogany furniture stain spray. Her sausage fingers scooped up a blob of boot polish and began to work it into Robs hair..pushing and pulling his head vigorously. Once she was satified she began to sculpt his hair into the perfect bouffant. With a final spray of the Mahogany stain.. she had created the perfect bronze.

"Stand up my scrumtious bundle of sugarcoated happiness, let me take in that God visual I have so eagarly awaited for" The Hutt slurred with excitement. Rob stood and turned trying not to look directly at the giant sloth who had just recently hand raped his head.

"No...NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! " The Hutt gasped and began to spray the mahogany stain furiously over any part of Rob which contained hair. Pulling back the top of the bikini bottoms being careful not to look.. _'This is not schlong Sunday – must wait until Sunday'.. _She gave a quick spray ensuring all areas were... taken care of.

"Ahhh Perfection" The Hutt eyed him up and down trying her best to suppress the screaming fangirl inside of her. She reached up to touch the tuft of hair peaking up from the bikini bottoms.._ My very own Mr. Rusty Nutts.. Oh how I have longed for this very moment.._ Her porky finger continued to swirl around Robs belly button area when she was brought back to 'reality' by Robs shivering.

"Ok Edward, let's forget Isle of Esme for now and spend some time getting to know each other a little better.. tell me all about you and if you're a good little vampire, I will let you in on a little secret, how does that sounds? hmmmmm?" The Hutt cooed with excitement, scratching at the crotchless area of her panties.

Rob glad that the touching was over, for now at least was now immensely confused.. did The Hutt want to know about Rob or Edward? Was she aware they were two spererate people? What would happen to him if he began to speak of himself instead of Edwards? Would he be punished?

He decided to go with a cross between and hoped to hell the crazy bitch wouldnt notice.......


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: So here it is our first full on collaboration with all The EB's! **

**Misery / Twilight cross over. **A Twisted tale of obsession. When a woman's husband dies in a snow accident her life is left shattered. Transforming her into sloth like creature, losing touch with reality her only contact with the outside world is done online. What happens when loneliness leads to an obsession with Twilight and that obsession soon becomes a reality.... for everyone!

.

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Twilight or anything else Stephenie Meyers related, all characters in this story are fictional and bare no resemblance to any factual person. Purely done for fun.

**Misery Hutt**

**Chapter 7**

Just as Rob opened his mouth to speak, Lamerat and Punkwit came running into the room.

Relief washed over Rob. He had been spared, if only for a moment.

"Huttt!!!!! We have a CODE RED situation!!!" Punkwit screamed.

"Someone has started an alternate list of fanfiction on the New Moon board!" Lamerat added.

"WHAT?! That is utterly unacceptable!!! Get it deleted, immediately! And for the love of Cullen, STOP COCK BLOCKING ME! Now run along and get the hell out of here! " The Hutt's booming voice shook the entire hut.

"That's not all, Hutt..." Lamerat said. "It gets worse...on the new lists...there are stories that have not been approved."

The Hutt screamed in agony. All stories on fan fic lists MUST meet her approval."

"And Hutt...there are some Wolf pack fics and even some Bella / Jacob fics on the list now..." Punkwit added.

That was the final straw, the only thing that could rip The Hutt away from Rob.

Furious, The Hutt slithered towards the computer to mobilize her other minions and make sure that her Master List of Fan Fic would triumph."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Punkwit and Lamerat stepped outside while The Hutt reported imdb threads and brainstormed alternative screen names.

"Edward's...wife? Edward's...Love?" she thought out loud. "Angel" she confirmed, looking at Rob in the other room "I'm Edward's angel..."

Meanwhile, Punkwit and Lamerat were having a conversation of their own.

"I know it was you, Lamerat"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"You posted the alternative fanfic lists on the New Moon IMDb board and the Robert Pattinson IMDb board!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Punkwit"

"I think you do," said Lamerat "and now you must DIE"

With that, Punkwit pulled out a shotgun from behind her leg and steadily aimed it at Lamerat. Lamerat totally freaked out and ran through the woods, but Punkwit was close behind her seething with hatred, gun still aimed.

"It wasn't me!" screamed Lamerat "You've got it wrong!"

"I never trusted you" seethed Punkwit "you're more loyal to Wide Awake than you are to Twilight, you were never one of us!"

The pursuit continued through the leaves and tangled tree roots, Lamerat started to tire and stumble, Punkwit maintained her speed.

Just as Punkwit was about to close in on Lamerat, Lamerat tripped on another tree root. Her body flung forward through the air and she landed face-first into he undergrowth. The speed and force of the fall forced her legs to swivel behind her and her body to slip backwards, away from Punkwit. Punkwit looked ahead and realized there was a gigantic cliff ahead of them, and that Lamerat's lower half was slipping off the crevice!

"Save me!" Lamerat screamed.

"I'm trying to kill you, idiot" replied Punkwit as she raised the shotgun to her shoulder and aimed it at Lamerat.

Lamerat grabbed hold of a tree in the midst of her fall. Her body dangled off the cliff face while she desperately tried to pull herself up. She looked frantically at the water far beneath her.

Then, suddenly the ground shook. In the distance there was a giant explosion. Fire shot out from the forest canopy and a deafening noise filled the air. 'The Hut!' the two minions yelled in unison. Punkwit looked at Lamerat and stamped on one of her hands "Just die, will you?" she said as Lamerat fell backwards off the edge of the cliff and plummeted into the choppy seas below.

"Now that the bomb has been detonated," Punkwit said to herself "I can unleash my army of monkey super soldiers..."

She laughed an evil laugh and headed back towards the Hut. Cabin. Whatever.


End file.
